Here is my point. . . we (as a society) have got to put down the games (cell phones, i-pads-pods, etc.) and spend time with our kids! Our society is losing our children. . . because we care more about our games than we do them.

Here is my advice. . . STOP IT!

I feel bad that I didn’t say anything. . . next time I will. Let me know what you think.

Early this year (as discussed in an previous blog:  Hoarding, Collecting, and Stuff – Learning to let go!) we were impacted by how much stuff was controlling our lives.  We started sorting, selling, and pitching stuff.  As the clutter cleared away, I began to notice another object controlling our lives. . . the television.  I didn’t give it much thought. . . but the amount of time we spent in front of the television kept bugging me.

I got to my breaking point one sunny Saturday in August when all my kids wanted to do was sit in front of the television instead of playing outside like normal (maybe it isn’t normal anymore) kids do.  I approached my wife that evening about my plan to unplug the television for a month. . . I wanted to see how it impacted our family.  She agreed. . . and starting September 1st. . . the television was unplugged.  (a side note:  this included the television, all movies, and all video games.)

So today is September 30th. . . how did it go?  Well, the first week was filled with crying and upset kids who wanted to watch the television (TV withdrawal??).  The second week they continued to ask but it wasn’t as often.  The third week the kids found my stack of paint sticks and had a week long sword fight (paint sticks became swords).  I enjoyed watching them use their imagination.  This week no one really mentioned it. . . the television just sits in the corner as a sad reminder of the obsession that once controlled our lives.

So I asked my family what they thought about not having a television for a month and here is what my family said:

Brandon (me):  Well, I missed it. . . I work long hours and enjoyed coming home and vegging in front of the television. . . I did enjoy having to find other things to do to replace that time.  I actually slept more, started a Bible study, and picked up a new book.

Elizabeth: “TV isn’t everything, I am more productive without it.  It would be nice to sit down and watch television some night and just relax.”

Braydon:  “It is sad that I can’t watch TV because  I miss my favorite shows.  I can’t find anything I like to do better than watch TV.”

Sawyer:  “I don’t like to not watch TV.”

Isabelle:  “I miss Buzz Lightyear.”

So based on their responses, I might just leave it unplugged a little longer.  Maybe we’ll have a family movie night. . . and then unplug it again.  I think life is better without television!  Just think about it, if you watch one 2 hour movie once a month that is 24 hours of television a year!  It is crazy to think how much of our life we have wasted in front of that silly screen. . . Get up, get moving, use your imagination, and don’t look back!

            I am me.  I am made in the image of God, just a little lower than the angels.  I am unique.  In the entire world there is no one exactly like me.  That means that everything which comes out of me is important.  Nothing I say or do is meaningless.

Everything about me is important.  My body.  My mind.  My spirit.  My dreams.  My ideas and opinions.  My talents. My feelings (both positive and negative).  My words.  All my thoughts and actions are important, and they make a unique contribution to life.

I can accept myself because God accepts me.  I can love myself because God loves me.  I know I matter because God lived in Jesus Christ and through Him gave me the chance to live abundantly and eternally.  I do not have to be perfect to be loved, because God has loved me while I was imperfect.

This means that I am important even though I have “rough edges” in my life and when I make mistakes, even big ones.  I can fail.  I can stumble.  God still says, “I love you!”  I don’t have to have everything in the right order, or have everything cleaned up for God to accept me.”

Understanding and knowing that I can live with myself, I have hope that I can take all that I am, and all that I have to God (the good and the bad), and he will keep improving me.  I can be totally honest.  I have something to look forward to.  With His help and guidance I will be even more effective in living, loving, and serving than I have been.  Tomorrow will be better than today.

I am not afraid to keep at the task of enriching what is good in me and discarding what is not.  I can use God’s grace and all of my faculties to work at the task of self-improvement.  I am worth spending time on.

So I accept the fact that I am important.  I have eternal value.  I like myself.  It’s okay to be me.  God has said it, and I believe it!

Author Kept Anonymous

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Being a “slave” to Christ means so much more than just claiming the name Christian. . . it means that we are bought with a price and He is our Owner and Master.  MacArthur explained in this book how helpless and hopeless we were in our slavery to sin before Christ and how “We are no longer subject to our sinful passions; now we are subjects of our heavenly King.”    Only one thing matters – pleasing the Master.

MacArthur further explains how being a slave to Christ is true freedom.  He states how many in the church misunderstand that just calling yourself a Christian isn’t enough. . . you have to follow the Master if you want to experience freedom.

“Slave” is one of the best books I have read from MacArthur in a long time.  I like MacArthur’s books, but haven’t really gotten into one since his book “Our Sufficiency in Christ” published in 1998.   “Slave” is a MUST READ and I give it 2 thumbs way up and will put in on my list of books to reread and place it in my top 10 favorite books of all times.  I hope you can read a copy of this amazing book, it will change your view of sin and open up your understanding to an amazing hidden truth in Scripture.

If you cannot afford a copy I would be happy to lend you mine. . . as long as I get it back!

I hope you enjoyed this blog and please leave feedback ;  also please visit our website at www.counselingworksheets.com

So how do we resist this consumer driven society?  Titus 2:12 tells us to “deny worldly desires and live sensibly, righteously, and godly”.  Is this possible?  What happens when you come to the end of your life and you appear before your Creator and all you have to show Him is your stuff?  “Here Lord. . . my life’s work. . . my stuff!”

Several things have happened recently that have convicted me about our stuff.  Please don’t get me wrong. . . we’re not hoarders. . . but we have stuff.  It feels that all our time an attention goes to keeping our stuff clean, orderly, and repaired.  The things that really matter get put aside so we can take care of our stuff.  It’s not right.

Just a few months ago, a wealthy acquaintance passed away and left. . . nothing but old, tattered, stuff.  It was a sad ending to his life.  How much more could he have done in life?  Just after that happened, I was involved in moving  some family friends.  They had 28+ years of stuff. . . it was obvious that they loved their stuff. . . and it was obvious that their stuff had taken over their life.  Their precious stuff was collecting dust and mold in storage. . . but yet they couldn’t part with it.

Let’s fight against the cultural norm of stuff. . . get rid of it!  If you don’t use it pass it on, or sell it and put that money to good use.  Don’t spend your life chasing stuff, because in the end. . . that is all you will leave behind.  I hope to appear before my Creator at the end of my life and hear “Well done”  not “Why did you give so much time and energy to your stuff”.

Addiction Test
By Brandon Bower

 This exercise includes normal issues that happen to people who have an addiction problem.  Answer the following questions as honest as possible to see if you have an addiction problem and how serious it is.  Read each statement and try to remember if this has ever happened to you.  Write yes or no in the space provided.

_________  1.    Have you ever experienced blackouts?  Blackouts are not remembering what has happened after you have been using.  Often you get in trouble and do not even know it.

_________  2.    Have you ever hound yourself sneaking drinks or drugs?  Sneaking includes hiding how much you are using, hiding a stash, or closet drinking.

_________ 3.     Have you ever made promises you know you will never keep?  Promising to never use again, promising to cut down on your drinking or using, promising to help more around the house without ever intending to do so.

_________ 4.     Have you ever drank or used to feel better?  Using drugs or drinking to escape stress or your emotions.  Getting away from things that bother you be using.

_________ 5.     Have you ever used to escape problems?  You find yourself using drugs or alcohol to cope with the things that bother you instead of dealing with the problems themselves.

_________ 6.     Have you ever felt guilty about how much you use?  You feel guilty about the quantity or frequency of your use or the things you do when you use.

_________ 7.     Have you noticed that you are dependant on your drug of choice?  Do you rarely find yourself doing anything without drugs or alcohol?

_________ 8.     Do you find yourself making excuses so you can continue to use?  You use issues or problems in your life to give you an excuse to use.

_________ 9.     Do you find yourself using more than those around you?  You start to hang out with people who use more like you and stop hanging around those people who use less than you.

_________ 10.   Do you find that it takes more to get the same feeling?  Your tolerance goes up and you are now just chasing the high.

_________ 11.   Do you use the stronger stuff first to get a good buzz on?  You are finding that you need to use a lot quickly to get a head start on the other people you are partying with.

_________ 12.   Have you noticed how you have started giving up things that you enjoy just to use?  You have stopped your hobbies and favorite activities because you would rather use instead.

_________ 13.   Have you noticed that you have tried to control your use more than you ever had to before?  You try to slow down or quit but you can’t.

_________ 14.   Have you started to feel bad about how your use has hurt others?  You end up hurting those you love but don’t mean to.

_________ 15.   Have you found yourself showing off just to prove that you are ok?  You don’t like others telling you that you have a problem so you are going to show them that you are ok.

_________ 16.   Have you made major changes in your life because of drugs or alcohol?  You may change jobs, leave a relationship, or move because of your relationship with drugs or alcohol.

_________ 17.   Are you holding onto resentments that you should have let go of?  Resentments can be a sign that you are letting substances control your relationships.

_________ 18.   Have you found yourself bargaining with God?  Turning to God or religion to get you out of trouble is a common sign of addiction.

_________ 19.   Have you found yourself in treatment or jail?  Misusing substances can lead to a variety of unwanted consequences.

_________ 20.   Do you feel totally defeated in your life?  Feeling defeated is a normal feeling when you are struggling with addiction.

_________ 21.   Do you have work or money troubles?  Having work problems, or money issues is a sure sign that your addiction is taking over your judgment.

_________ 22.   Have you been avoiding your close friends and family members?  Avoiding those you love because you don’t want to let them know what you are doing, of hurt them is a dangerous path to take.

_________ 23.   Are you neglecting nutrition and exercise?  Not eating well and not taking care of yourself are signs of addictive behavior.

_________ 24.   Have you experienced withdrawal symptoms from using?  People who do not abuse substances do not have withdrawal.

_________ 25.   Are you experiencing health related issues?  Losing weight, feeling sick, or internal bleeding are common signs of substance abuse.

_________ 26.   Do you find yourself using all the time?  Using constantly to feel normal isn’t normal!

_________ 27.   Do you hang out with people who are worse off than you?  Doing this may make you feel better for a little while.

_________ 28.   Are you paranoid?  Drugs and alcohol can affect the brain to the point of paranoia.

_________ 29.   Do you feel lost and alone?  Feeling lonely or lost is a sign that you have separated yourself from your values.

_________ 30.   Have you given up?  Giving up is the end point of the addictive game.  If you give up you lose!

If you have answered yes to any of these questions, you need to take a close look at your drinking or drug use.  Not looking at these issues in your life closely can lead to further problems or cause a deeper denial.

Answer the following questions about the test that you have just taken and discuss with your therapist or group.

How did you feel as you were taking this test?

What are you going to do about the issues that you identified in this test?

If I stop using today, I can accomplish  If I don’t stop using today, I will probably end up  What are the issues that I need to work on in my recovery?

What are the issues that you need to talk to your therapist or sponsor about as a result of this test?

I was privileged to go on a date with my wife last night.  We spent our afternoon having dinner and watching a movie.  I enjoy movies, but haven’t found one I have been this excited about in a long time.  I loved Captain America!  Finally a super hero that is polite, generous, and a overall nice guy.  I am sick of superhero’s like Iron Man that are self-centered and vial.  Super heroes need to be just that, SUPER!  This was clearly stated in the movie when “Steve Rogers” was chosen to become Captain America because he was “super” on the inside.

Captain America is more than a Super Hero; he is an all around great guy.  He proudly serves his country, is respectful to women, and stands up to bullies.  At one point in the movie he admits that he has never danced with a girl before because “I figured I’d wait for the right partner”.   This is the type of Hero I want my kids to idolize!

As with any super hero movie, there is some violence.  Captain America serves his country during the war with the Nazi’s (who doesn’t like a good Nazi movie?).  His mentor is a German Scientist who is in hiding as he opposes Hitler and his actions.  There is some blood. . . a lot of killing. . . but it is a war movie.  The movie high in violence but doesn’t leave the viewer squirming with discomfort.

There are a two things I disliked:
1.  Profane Language – They used h-ll, b–ch, a-s, and d-mn.  The language is minimal and not the focus of the movie.

2.  Alcohol Use – There was several alcohol related scenes, nothing outrageous, but not necessary.  Any time we or a movie idolizes alcohol use we teach our kids that it’s OK.

Over all I give the movie 4.5 stars out of 5!  A pro America, pro good guy, superb all around super hero movie!  I loved it hope you do also!  May God bless our great land!

Anger Myths

Myth #1:

I have inherited my anger. Often a myth about anger is that my anger tendencies are inherited and cannot be changed. Research evidence indicates that people are not born with their angry tendencies rather that their anger is a learned behavior. We learn by watching others (our parents, teachers, and friends) and with some effort, our learned anger tendencies can be re-programmed.

Myth #2:

All anger is aggressive. This anger myth is a misconception. This belief holds the only way to express anger is by being aggressive. There are many different positive and assertive ways to express your anger. Controlling your anger involves practice in assertiveness training, changing your negative self talk, challenging your faulty beliefs,  and using a thought stopping process to control your immediate angry impulse.

Myth #3:

To get what you deserve in life, you have to be aggressive. Don’t confuse assertiveness with aggression. The purpose of aggression is always to cause harm, dominate, intimidate, or to win at any cost. On the other hand, the purpose of assertiveness is to express your anger in positive and healthy way that is respectful of other people and yourself. When you express yourself in an assertive manner that does not blame or threaten other people and minimizes the chance of emotional harm you will learn that you gain respect.

Myth #4:

Venting is the best way to deal with anger. For many years, therapists taught that the aggressive expression of anger, such as beating on pillows, or punching walls was therapeutic and healthy. We have found that people who vent their anger aggressively simply get better at being angry. In other words, venting anger in an aggressive manner reinforces aggressive behavior.

Please answer the following questions about your anger:

1. Have you ever believed any of these myths about anger?

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2. Who have you learned your negative patterns of behavior from?

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3. Define what it means to be assertive.

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4. What are some coping skills that you can rely on to curb your angry outbursts?

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5. I also learned this about my anger . . .

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I wanted to quote one small passage from the book:
“The tenacity of some sinners is impossible to explain rationally.  Some people are so determined to have their own way that even when they are forced-fed the distasteful consequences of their transgressions, they still will not give up the pursuit.  They might literally be sick to death of their sin’s repercussions, and yet they will not give up the sin itself.  Sin is a bondage they are powerless to break. . . We can’t possibly atone for the sins we have committed, so we can’t make out guilt go away.  There is absolutely no earthly answer for such a dilemma.  It will not be found in psychology, group therapy, or self-help — and it is certainly not found in drugs, alcohol, or any other form of escape. . . “  Dr. MacArthur then goes on to explain the role of forgiveness like I have never heard it explained before!

I must say this little book is packed full of powerful punches that will keep me thinking and changing for days to come.  I give Grace for You a 2 thumbs WAY up!  I challange you to pick up a copy and see for yourself.  It makes a perfect read along for the Easter season.  Of let me know and you can borrow my copy. . . if you can read through all the underlining and scribbling

ISBN#:  978-1-4002-8097-1